Turning Pain to Power – Amanda’s Story

From Pain to Power – one small step at a time

Back in 2003, I was a busy working mother with 4 children and a full-time job. I was going to the gym 2-3 times a week and entering fitness competitions. The weekends were usually spent cycling or hiking with the family.

I began to notice muscle soreness and tiredness. I wasn’t recovering after workouts. I cut back on the gym. I also began suffering sore throats and then aches and pains all over, joint pains migraines and brain fog. Work was exhausting and I cut back to 3 days per week.

Family life was strained and I felt particularly guilty that I wasn’t giving my children 100%.  At this point, I had given up work, going to the gym and social occasions were draining.  It was very difficult to plan anything as I had very few good days.  Getting out of bed and dressing was difficult and every part of me hurt. My goal was to get one meal on the table every day.  I had been receiving Illness benefits but it was been withdrawn so I had to attend for interview and my claim was turned down despite having a letter from my GP. I struggled on for years.

Between 2010 and 2014, my Rheumatologist decided to try me on medication for Sjogren’s Syndrome after discovering a family member suffered with it. I refused to have biopsies as I couldn’t face any more discomfort.  Medications had side effects which meant more drugs to counteract the side effects!  After a second opinion, I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

I came off all medication and began some research to try to help myself. I think this is where I came across Chronic Pain Ireland. They were giving a talk on “Living well with Chronic Pain” in my local hotel.  I cried all the way through this meeting. I saw a lot of people who looked normal, just like me.  I remember a man put his hand on my shoulder and said “it was ok to cry and that he had done the same. He said he had some good days and that is what kept him going. Cherish the good days and be kind to yourself on other days”.  I think that was the day I realised I had to accept my situation and move forward one day at a time.

In 2016 I joined Chronic Pain Ireland and I started doing yoga with my physiotherapist. This got easier as the weeks went on. CPI were looking for volunteers to take part in online trials with NUI Galway (now University College Galway). I applied, got a place and started Mindfulness based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

I believe this combination helped me to change my life. I had to reframe my thoughts and learn to pace myself.

I have used Chronic Pain Ireland’s support services over the years from their webinars, guest speaker events and talks, guided meditations, courses and research opportunities.  One of which was the opportunity to complete the ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) intervention over many weeks and this too helped immensely. 

By availing of Chronic Pain Ireland services and also implementing what I learnt has helped me to make positive changes in my life.

By 2019 I started the next phase of my journey by jogging for 20 seconds and walking for 5 minutes around a football pitch.  In my mind I did it for a close friend who had died and I would call on him to help me when I wanted to give in.  Slowly I built up my fitness levels and I began to enjoy it.  I’ve learnt how to reframe my thoughts, to pace myself but I still have good days and bad days.  Some days I’m in pain simply walking and I can’t bear the thoughts of breaking into a jog, however after the first two or three strides my pain is somehow diminished.  Jogging is a kind of meditation for me as I can only focus on my breathing.

I have a great group of friends that I meet with twice weekly for a run. I run for the sense of achievement it gives. There is no pressure to compete, no times to achieve but it’s amazing what you can do when you enjoy something.

By 2023 I had run the Dublin City Marathon three times with my group and I have run Dingle Half Marathon and Galway Half Marathon with family members in memory of our close friend, who I’ve certainly called on to help me get through to the end of the marathons.  The days leading up to the marathon were a struggle, I had a migraine for three days and didn’t know if I could do it until the morning of the event.  Shortly after completing the 2023 Dublin City Marathon, I headed to New Zealand to visit my son for four months – what an incredible adventure!

I had also volunteered to go back to work when Covid first broke out. I was offered a paid job in the Vaccination Centre and have been there for 2 years.

I’ve worked hard over the years to understand my pain and its origins.  I credit Chronic Pain Ireland, CBT techniques and yoga which has helped me to move forward. At the beginning I found the yoga classes very painful but after the fourth or fifth, I began to feel better.

I really struggle with writing anything about myself.  I feel a bit of a fraud when I compare my current self with my past self.  Back then, I wanted to scream at people as I really felt they couldn’t possibly understand how painful everything is.

I don’t like to compare my situation to anyone else as we all experience pain differently.  However, we are all alike in that we are all trying to deal with chronic pain.  My old self honestly believed that I would never get past the pain and live a normal life again.

I don’t know what I could say to help others but perhaps some advice given to me over the years through Chronic Pain Ireland which is to be open to trying something new and use their resources as you never know where it will lead. I’ve also learnt to be kind to yourself, enjoy the little things, try to maintain a positive outlook and don’t give up.

I can’t believe how much I am enjoying my life at the moment. I definitely have more good days than bad.  Just today I have applied for a full-time job which requires further study.

Going forward, I am hopeful that I can continue to manage my condition. I know that I have the support of Chronic Pain Ireland and have access to many wonderful support services. Living with chronic pain is hard but don’t give up, it’s one small step at a time.